Stop T9ing Ur Luvr, Plz

31Mar08

tex.jpgDear Philandering Politicians,

I think it’s time to stop with the texts. Srsly, it’s like yr asking to be caught naughty-texting your favorite exotic dancers and former top aides.

Somehow someone – be it your wife or political adversary – will find these texts, and is it really worth it? In the case that you’re a Finnish minister texting a 20-something exotic dancer planning to perform at your 60th birthday bash, chances are she’ll sell your correspondence to a tabloid rag. If you’re the mayor of Detroit, just hope that those texts didn’t aid in any perjury and misconduct charges.

It’s time to stop using modern technology for mistress/mister use. Hasn’t history taught you never to leave any trails? Were Mark Foley and Jerry Springer not brimming lessons?

Don’t stop having affairs – it’s great fodder for us common folk. But be more creative about it, please. How about using carrier pigeons to transport self-destructing tapes containing your rendez-vous locations? Or maybe you should only have affairs with psychics, since they’d always know where to meet you? Give it up with the texts, already.

l8a!

—Liz



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