Robbing the Family Jewels


Had men from the Congo played with the phallic toys of our youth such as slippery gel water snakes resembling uncircumcised burritos; had they only followed the Popples craze of the 1980’s that so clearly demonstrated the anatomy of testicles; well, then maybe the recent, penis-shrinking and kidnapping epidemic scaring the gonads out of West Africans wouldn’t have come to such a head.

Police in the arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink the manhood of the community, Reuters reported. Rumors of this magical disappearing penis act began circulating last week in Kinshasa, where some residents accused a separatist sect from nearby Bas-Congo province of being behind the witchcraft in revenge for a recent government crackdown on its members. The victims of this so-called dick-napping claimed sorcerers touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear.

While reports of penis-snatching are not uncommon in this religious region, the mass paranoia has previously been disproved by doctors and diagnosed as Koro, a psychosomatic illness that causes men to believe their penises have retracted back into their bodies. Koro usually occurs as isolated cases but in appropriate circumstances it can manifest itself as a wave of panic that sweeps through cities, countries or even entire continents.

Chill out guys; grab some Viagra or a penis pump, if necessary, and take Kinshasa’s police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko’s advice: go home and try it out for size.

One Response to “Robbing the Family Jewels”

  1. Not that I’m totally impressed, but this is more than I expected for when I stumpled upon a link on Furl telling that the info is quite decent. Thanks.

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